lost

the past few months just feel as if i've been floating around like a ghost belonging nowhere and now the only times i text my poly friends is to ask them "have you reached school?" and i guess this whole feeling of being lost wasn't triggered by a specific large event, but more of like a very gradual snowballing effect thing where multiple various factors just accumulate lol. it feels as though my special project group members are the only faces i've been seeing or people i've been talking to consistently throughout this semester and lately all i've been thinking about is how the friends i've made in poly won't be those i'll continue to keep in contact with after we graduate. i've been unconsciously distancing myself away from the friends i thought i was the closest to but over the past year i've realized that i don't talk to them about my own personal matters. and it's not because i dont trust them or anything but it's more of like i'm-not-used-to-telling-you-stuff-like-this. if nobody prompts me, i wont talk about it..?? and i guess maybe people feel like it's rude or scared that i'm uncomfortable with talking about it so they don't ask but i'm not and i'm just waiting for someone to ask and take the first move. and it's like there are so many things i want to update my friends about but i just dont feel comfortable making the first move to say it because i feel as though i'll be rubbing my good life in their faces 

and anyway long confusing story short i just feel as if i'm so lost because it's like everyone has their own partner and 3 is just a weird number and i. just. dont. belong.