Moving to Singapore
Not something I think about a lot now, but obviously one of the biggest moments in my life. A little background for those who don't know, I was born in Singapore but moved there with my parents because of my father's business. I lived and studied there till I was about 8+ before I came back to Singapore in 2005 with my mum and my brother. My father came about 3 years later.
I totally forgot how to speak Bahasa Indonesia already which is a shame la (since I already suck at Chinese so bad), but I do still remember and miss my Indonesian food ;_;. Roti Bakar & Siomay & Pempek & Pisang Goreng... You will always be my first love <3
Being called 'fat' almost everyday in school for a few months in Sec 1
I remember even having a falling out with my clique over it (no idea how and why) and the name calling by my 2 guy classmates really affected my self esteem :----(. I started to lose all that chubbs in Sec 3 (puberty, cause I didn't diet) but every now and then, I'd still get called fat by this other close guy friend of mine wtf. Meh.
Emerging 4th place during my school's O Levels Results release
The whole of Sec 4 I was constantly looked down upon because I was one of the 3 who dropped to Combined Sciences in my class, where everyone took at least 2 Pure Sciences. I was in the first (I.e. "best", for lack of better word) class of the Express stream but I ALWAYS was one of the least smartest in my class. Ok la I mean I guess I deserved it also cause I slept in class & didn't do my homework a lot... But I knew I had to buck up for O levels and I did. I ended up being 4th in my cohort and it was a HUGE shock to me because like I said, I never did well in school and was constantly failing my tests... But to the people who looked down on me: HAH SUCK ON THAT!!!!!!!!!!!! I know very petty la but I think that was my biggest satisfaction of doing well. It also made me realize for once that I could achieve great things if I tried!!!!
My first "office" job
We (Zachary Ng and I) didn't exactly do very office-y stuff like filing and whatnot, but it was in an office with office hours and I hated the shit out of it!!!!!!!! It was extremely boring and I hated squeezing in with the morning and evening crowd and I was always working OT and it was baaaaad. So bad that I managed to quit the job after only working for a grand total of... 7 days :-) I earned $500 but no 10/10 would not do again. That office job really made me vvvvvv determined to not end up working in an office in the future........ I really enjoy working retail a lot more, despite the irregular hours but more exciting!!!!!!!!
When I started counting calories & eating healthier
I remember one day I was just extremely motivated to lose weight and decided to try out counting calories. It took awhile to get used to but soon I was writing and taking pictures of everything I ate in my Notes app. Most of the times I was only eating about
800-1000 kcal per day. I rarely ventured out of my comfort zones and was uncomfortable with eating food that I didn't know the calories count to :-( I lost about 3kg and was hovering between 42-43kg during my poly year 1 days. It was a great confidence boost, not going to lie. In poly, most of my friends would talk about how little I ate and how thin I was, which was a STARK contrast from my secondary school days. Acquaintances who knew me from secondary school and saw me in poly would also comment on how much weight I've lost and that I'm "too skinny now".
I still count now, but mostly because I counted for 1.5 years and I've been so used to it that it's hard to stop also la. I'm not complaining because it's a good way to make sure I don't overeat BUT I'm not as preoccupied with it as I was before and I definitely have a healthier relationship with food now!!!!
Eating healthier came a few months after counting calories because one day I only ate biscuits (cause easy calorie count access) and felt so horrible with what I was putting in my body!!!!!! So I started eating oats and fruits and I researched more about health food etc. I stopped eating fast food or anything fried/oily and usually packed healthier food from home to eat in school hahahaha. Again, it became to take over my life and I would feel horrible if I ate anything remotely unhealthy... But I've since learnt to be okay with having a balance between healthy and unhealthy. E.g. I'm able to eat bakery bread now without feeling guilty because it isn't "wholemeal" or "natural", or have a few bites of the occasional fried food instead of depriving myself haha.
When I got out of a toxic relationship
I blogged about this before but finally realizing that I don't have to settle for something less than what I deserve was a huge step for me.
Being on the Director's List
I guess those years in secondary school where I was constantly put down really affected my confidence in my academic grades. Even after I scored well for O's, it didn't exactly mean that I'd do the same in poly so being on the D List was just something that made me see that, hey maybe I can be good at something.
When Hana brought me to Arrow/church for the first time
I had been to New Creation Church when I was younger but stopped going in secondary school up till Year 1 of poly (?). Hana brought me to NCC's Youth Service one day (thank you) and that was where my relationship with God really started to grow. I'm not the most religious or "model Christian" out there, but I'm learning.
When I brought Weiling to Arrow
After a few months, I eventually brought Weiling too and I'm just so proud of how far she's come and grew since then :-))) it's just really nice to see that just one visit to church could change a person's life so much yknow.
Regaining confidence in my body
Related to my relationship with food, I also began to accept and love my body for what it is. I think I really have Mav to thank, because he was the one who changed my mindset about my preoccupation with eating healthy and losing weight, while constantly motivating me to eat better and love myself. I stopped being concerned with my weight and thigh gaps, and learnt to accept that I'll have "fat" days and "thin" days, but that I still look g00d :-) I mean I'm not 100% satisfied and I know I'll never be... But it's a huge improvement from where I was before :-)
My first panic attack
I was never one to feel "butterflies" or experience much physical symptoms of anxiety/stress... Up till the panic attacks. It was the first time I realized how closely linked our brain and physical body was, and how much my own thoughts can affect the sensations in my body. This whole panic attack thing forced me to be a lot more aware of my thoughts and emotions, and I learnt a few relaxation & mindfulness techniques from my school counsellor to lessen the frequencies of these panic attacks. It sucked, but it's a part of me I'm willing to embrace and accept.
