even in the dust, we shine

Just want to do well in poly just want to continue striving and make my parents proud but idk if I'm supposed to keep concentrating on my grades more or concentrate on completing my NYAA more and I know I should try to juggle both academics and non-academics stuff equally but what if I can't and what if I'm better off just concentrating on one thing 

But the tp scholarship and universities like seeing people who can juggle everything right so if I don't juggle all three grades/cca/other non-academic events I'm probably going to get beat by those who can and I don't want that to happen I want to get into a good university and make full use of my life seriously 

I don't even know if I'm making sense and that's why probably no one understands UGH WEAK WEAK WEAK and so SO lost I don't want to feel useless again I AM SO OVERWHELMED BY EVERYTHING and I haven't even started school yet wtf 

It's like all my other friends around me seem to be coping SO well and I'm the only one who can't like ya la ok what I am going through right now is probably tiny tiny TINY compared to what others are going through with their school which brings me back to my point to why I feel like I am just weak 

Now I'm just scared I'll end up at the bottom again 

And I can't and I don't want to because I know I can do it like what I did in O's and I know how it feels to constantly be the lower few or the "least smart" among all your peers and I don't ever ever ever ever want to feel like that again




But I know God will guide me through this and I know that I will be able to succeed in life but I really really REALLY just need to really believe in myself first hahaha