day 312/670: no more commando-to-be

26 May 

Time really flies right, bubs? 

I still remember when you fought your way through and managed to enter the Sharp Shooters course after POP, and when you found out that you had to go through training more rigorous than your other vocation counterparts. In stark contrast, I also remember your airborne course days, and the nights out you had almost every other night which we'd spend drinking Gongcha and eating Hotstar chicken at our usual Tampines 1 spot. 

I remember the days before you entered Hendon on January 10th, how desolated and miserable you looked, or how we had to adjust from having multiple nights out in a week to suddenly having none at all. I remember the outfields you had and really missing you, because even the mere 2-3 days of no contact from you felt like forever. 

I remember the several times you'd rant to me about army, about how much you hated it and how badly you really wanted to get out. I remember feeling lost and hopeless, because I wanted so badly to do more for you, but instead I could only just watch as you went through hell in camp. 

I remember when you went off to Brunei, and how for that 3 weeks I constantly felt like a part of me was missing. I put as many work shifts as I could that month because I needed something to distract me but I still checked my countdown app almost everyday, willing for the days to move faster. 

I remember the night when you told me you felt no sense of control over your life anymore, and how badly you wanted to get it back. I swear my heart never felt as broken as it did when you told me that, because for the first time I realized just how suffocated you felt there. I remember going over to your house almost everyday after you came back from Brunei, and watching you sleep the afternoon away, trying to repay your sleep debt. 

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I know you've regretted entering commandos multiple times, especially when you hear about the current lives of your other NS friends. You've stuck on for as long as you did to make your family and I proud, and I know when your detachment mates ask about your motivation for staying on, you reply: "I want to bring my girlfriend to social night". You always make it seem like it's not a big deal (when it is) because you don't want me to worry too much, but I hope you know I'm extremely proud of you for persevering anyway. I was beaming with so much joy and pride when you walked towards us in your red beret, and I really had to stop myself from squealing out loud in excitement hahahahahaha. 

It's been an extremely tough 10 months for you, but look bibs, you did it :-)