"My brain, just attacking itself. All day long, non-stop"

4:16 - 4:40 

"I started making lists, which is something I've done before but never that extremely. I want you guys to understand that ... when I talk about [making lists] being a form of my OCD, [it] isn't writing down the list at the beginning of the day, or writing it down 5 times during the day, or just thinking about the list once in a day. 

I probably thought, and went over that list more than 30 minutes out of every hour of me being awake every day. More than half of my day was going over this list ... I just kept going over and over and over and over and over these lists. 

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I felt like I was a shadow, kind of just pretending to go about being Alex. And then there was actually me, my brain, just attacking itself. All day long, non-stop. 

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"So although I'm making this video now because I feel like I'm in a better place, I love to be optimistic and say "I'm getting better" ... But it does come and go ... For those of you who has had experience with this, I'm not trying to tell you "Sucks to be you, it's not going to get better". But at the same time, I don't want to be completely unrealistic about it, because it is chronic ... So that is essentially my story, it has no ending, because I don't think it ever will have an ending."