Your worst enemy is yourself

I tried writing a letter to you but everything was so jumbled up and it would make no sense to anyone (except me). Maybe what we had is always only going to be understood by us two, and us two alone. I wish we weren't "we" and this wasn't a thing and I never had anything started with you in the first place. I really don't want anything to do with you rn but I really can't deny the fact that what we once had was special. And it felt really, really nice. 

I wanted to give myself closure by writing everything down and giving an ending to this chapter of my life once and for all, but I can't. And I'm sorry I didn't give you closure (because I'm a coward) as well but I hope you've learnt as much as I have. And I guess this chapter of my life will never have an ending but I'll deal with it (like I have for the past 8 months) and it's okay :-) 

Thanks for teaching me what to want in a relationship 
And what not to want 
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Idk if this insecurity of mine stems from the (constant) name calling in sec 1 
or from the blog post you wrote saying "at least I'm thin unlike you" in sec 2 
or from the conversation we had once about thigh gaps and how you said you only had a small one and how from that day onwards all I ever could feel when I stood up singing the national anthem were how my thighs rubbed against each other in sec 3 
or from the way he still called me fat even after I had lost (a significant amount of) weight in sec 4 
or maybe a combination of everything