I mean idk WHY I do this or why my brain does this but everytime I think of something I think of A LOT more than I'm "supposed to"
I thought it was "normal" but sometimes the information I'm processing in my brain is so excessive, I literally have to stop everything I'm doing, close my eyes and just try to block out everything. I don't even know WHY I do this but I just realize today that I do it for almost everything??? From to-do lists to what I want to eat for breakfast to setting alarms to even reading someone's reply
It's like I have to go through EVERY SINGLE THING related to what I was originally thinking of, and not just think of one thing alone.
And I usually write a to do list everyday and MULTIPLE times a day, I will go through that list AGAIN AND AGAIN repeatedly. Like
"Ok today I have to do Task A in the morning, and Task B and Task C after I get home from school"
"Ok ok so I can finish Task A in the morning and then left Task B and C at night. Sounds manageable."
*mentally runs through what Task A, B and C is again*
"Then again 3 tasks in a day sounds like a lot to do how can I finish everything in a day"
"Ok no cause Task A will be done before night so I don't have to care about it in the afternoon"
"Ok ok so tomorrow morning, Task A. Afternoon, Task B and then Task C"
AND THEN I JUST KEEP RETHINKING ABOUT IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND IT NEVER LEAVES MY MIND UNTIL I ACTUALLY FINISH IT
AND SOMETIMES BESIDES TASK A-C I EVEN START PLANNING FOR TASK D TASK E AND ALL THE WAY TILL TASK Z (which is probably due next month)
Idk if this excessive planning is doing me good or making everything worst
Even planning alarms for the next day is tiring because I have to think about how long I'll take to press the snooze button, eat breakfast, change and all. And then I'll just replay this scenario over and over again (even though I already went through my morning routine five times) before actually deciding on what time alarm I should set????
My mind is one big ??????????? and I don't even know if I make sense or not BUT POINT IS I PROCESS TOO MUCH INFORMATION AT ONCE AND ITS MAKING ME VERY STRESSED OUT :-( :-( :-(
It's not even funny and I'm being 100% serious lol
When they say your worst enemy is yourself I totally agree now
And the scary thing is it's my own mind that scares me and I can't escape my own mind ?????????????????????
But ok bye lol sigh proper post soon (I.e. in like 5 hours hahaha)
No comments:
Post a Comment