even in the dust, we shine

I'm turning into one of those girls that I never thought I'd be 

At first I thought liking someone would make me happy because it did in the beginning 

And then slowly I realize all the reasons why it's never going to happen and I just get way more upset than I should be 

It hasn't even been long yet I feel like I feel (lolol) so much and idk if it's normal or not 

But I've been praying (and praying) that this is God's will for us and what's meant to be will be 

But I'm impatient and I can't wait and I know I should but I can't just sit back and wait (but I should)(really should) 

But then again it feels like what I've been praying for have slowly started to happen (bit by bit) but idk if it's just me looking too much into situations or really?? 

Or have I just fallen under the trap of the confirmation bias and interpreting things as I want them to be 

Or maybe I'm just upset because I'm not used to waiting because every guy I've liked in the past have liked me back 

But you're different 

You make me laugh and you take good care of the people around you even though you look super dao but I remember even before we hung out I was sick and you helped me carry my stuff and refilled my water bottle for me and checked on me when I went to the toilet 10 times in a lesson (but not because I was unwell or what but really cause I drank too much and had to pee hahahahaha) but I appreciated it (a lot) 

And even if it wasn't physically possible for you to ask if I was ok after a terrible presentation in school you still found another way to do it and I thank you for that 
And how you say "HAHAHAHA" as much as I do unlike other boys who just say "lol" and how you comment back on each other's questions on The Test 
And the fact that we have the same faith and worship the same God makes you 103829191 better than anyone else 
And how i dont even know why I like you but every time I see your name I get all jittery inside and everytime I have cheesy dreams about you I wake up feeling really happy and how I feel like I want to tell the whole world about the things you've said to me 
Even though it probably is just the way you are and not because of the way you feel towards me 

But you have pretty friends and we have pretty friends that get more attention than I do from you and from everyone else 

And I know you're just teasing but idk whether it's real or fake anymore 

And I hate that out of everyone it had to be you because 

Idk 

I wish some dreams came true 

But maybe this is all just a phase 

But even though I hate the fact that its you I never want this phase to end 
Or maybe I'm just being too obsessed rn and cant think straight hahahaha 

I hate to be so cheesy and I hate to feel so cheesy and use up all these emotions (both happy and sad) on something that's not going to be mine