even in the dust, we shine

I feel so bad for getting so worked up and upset over things too quickly >:( Like I always end up just panicking REALLY BAD and then realizing 1 minute later that everything is actually way better than I had originally assumed it was going to be 

And I even feel bad for saying sorry to my friends for all these excessive anxiousness cause like I've said sorry so many times it doesn't even seem genuine anymore >:( Like even I myself doubt my apologies to others, like "even if I say sorry now I'm bound to make the same mistake again" so what for use up the (very little) sorry's I have left???????? 

And the thing is I used to be so chill!!!!!!!  I even slept in front of the teacher in class!!!!!! I got 3/10 for my Maths files cause I always didn't file things in!!!!!!! I rarely ever completed my homework!!!!!!! Even if I didn't get an A grade I wouldn't be upset!!!!!!! 

Now I can't even look at my Counselling teacher without feeling like such a loser because she always says things like "don't worry you'll do fine" "don't stress and think too much" and I am attributing all her (more than average) care and concern to the fact that I once cried in front of her and like almost 1/2 of my class OVER AN ASSIGNMENT THAT I ENDED UP FINISHING ANYWAY and I'm thankful for her concern and it's not like I don't like it (because I do) but I just feel like she's obliged to do so cause I'm such a loser for crying in her class?????? 

I never thought I'd be THAT person who worried about everything but still got good grades but ya ok I am that annoying person that everyone has in their class!!!!!!!!!

But even now I'm not so sure if I'll be able to get good grades esp for APRPA but then again I'm scared to say that because what if I do still end up getting good grades????? 

Sometimes even the people you'd think will have the greatest amount of confidence have the least   

And worry the most 

And are insecure the most 

And panic over the slightest things the most 

Sigh 

I really need to stop panicking but it's hard and idk how I'm going to do it but I need to stop soon because even I'm annoying myself 

P.S. I feel perfectly fine I'm not sad or anything I swear just have a lot of negative thoughts but not a lot of negative feelings if that even make any sense at all???????