Just posted yesterday but ah shucks
It's that time of the semester again.... Preparation for exams. I've only just started revising and even so I'm still worried that I'm not doing enough and all. I'm on my way to parkway parade now and I feel quite guilty that I didn't choose to stay home. I'm trying to tell myself that it's more important to spend time with my family/friends than always be so caught up in work but it's hard to convince myself. I've been worrying and panicking about so many things like my RMA test next Friday, my 2 exams, projects etc etc. It's so ironic because my twitter profile/whatsapp status says "Pray more, worry less" but I keep forgetting to and it's frustrating.. No matter how many people tell me I'm smart or I will do well, if I don't believe in myself what everyone else says still won't help me right. I know everyone makes mistakes and even the best fails sometimes but all I'm telling myself now is that I can't fail/I must beat everyone else/I can't be second best/NO FAILURE. It's ridiculous and I'm in a constant battle with myself EVERY DAY about studies. I think I'm annoying everyone around me with my constant worrying and stressing but it's really not like I want to. I want to be able to go out and enjoy myself and NOT have to repeatedly worry about what I need to do when I get home or write to-do lists everywhere. I feel like whatever I'm doing isn't good enough and sometimes I feel like "no Jerlyn you must relax" and then the other side of me is like "if you constantly tell yourself to relax you're going to FAIL everything". It's RIDICULOUS how much I worry now and I'm sorry to everyone who has to tolerate me and I know all this worrying is illogical but I don't know how to stop and a part of me doesn't want to stop. Yesterday was a really unproductive day revision wise and I'm hoping today will be a better day.... Need to finish 1 set of lecture slices and at least start on 1/3 of the next one. While at parkway later I'll read my Cog Psy lecture notes... Haha.
I am thankful for everyone around me and for everyone's support and for believing in me!!!!! The only person I need to believe in me now is myself ヽ(；▽；)ノ
On a lighter note
These few days I've been really proud of myself for slowly TRYING to remove the people (person) in my life who I really don't need anymore. I don't need anyone else to make me feel like shit/unworthy and like I'm not good enough I already have myself to do all that (HA HA)
ANYWAY I KNOW THIS POST SOUNDS REALLY EMO NEMO but it's ok I'm still Jerlyn I'm still happy because how to not be happy when I have so many good people around me ◉‿◉
Edit: Also feel like shit cause I've been gaining so much weight ugh I know I wasn't even very heavy to begin with and some weight would be (is) good but I can't seem to convince myself LOL feel so disgustinggggg
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