even in the dust, we shine

Ahhhhhhhh stress stress stress
I know a mini getaway is good for me but I can't help but panic even more even though I know even if I was in Singapore I wouldn't have really studied anyway
But now I'm back and I have to rush my journal log cause I was lazy and didn't complete it there W H Y
And on the way back the car stopped working and we had to wait for police to help us so we reached later than planned :-(

There's so much to study and I haven't even STARTED studying two of the modules I'm taking on my own yet
And the only module I have started to study on my own is F. Psy (which is like bio right now) and IT'S SO FRUSTRATING because the lecturer skipped like parts of chapter 3 and moved on to chapter 4 already and I'm like CLUELESS on that specific part of chapter 3 because when I study on my own I start from the beginning of chapter 3 (which the lecturer already went through) AND I HAVENT REACHED THAT PART THAT THE LECTURER DIDN'T TOUCH ON YET
And like I feel so guilty cause that untouched part is like "READ ME STUDY ME FIRST" but I can't just study that part till I finished the earlier parts because I write notes while studying on my own so if I haven't wrote the beginning part yet I can't just skip and go to ANOTHER part waaaay at the end of the chapter

AND DKOFOSKS TERM TESTS ARE IN LIKE TWO WEEKS ZZZZ SERIOUSLY MY LIFE IS A MESS RIGHT NOW I feel like crumbling

Need to make full use of the 4 hours break tomorrow I'm going to go to the library and shut myself out AND STUDY
And like I'm not trying to brag or what but like some of my classmates know I got 3 points for R4 (through word of mouth la haha I didn't like announce it to everyone I'm not THAT shameless) and like I feel like they think I'm like super smart and like I'm the kind of (annoying)(sorry I'm jealous) people who don't even need to study and can score A's and A's and A's and they have high expectations for me
BUT I'M NOT THAT KIND AND FOR O LEVEL'S I STUDIED MY ASS OFF BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE I'M LAGGING BEHIND EVERYTHING AND IT'S SO FRUSTRATING
LIFE IS SO COMPLICATED WHY WHY WHY

Anyone who says poly life is easy ugh I'm going to slap your face